The big fat ugly old white woman who is soooo miserable in life

by reyna18 on January 20, 2008

I was writing my mode of relationships project, a contribution I was making for Kiks and Mandayamoore Orlis. There were relationship questions that were bothering them. Guess what, I am also confused by a man-to-man relationship. What is it? What’s in it? Does it last? How do you make it last? I honestly don’t have any answer. I do have experiences that I wished I never experienced. But, c’est la vie. I was part of the drama.

Suddenly, my instant messenger sprang to life! It was Marc! Oh my gosh!!!

My heart was beating faster, I could hear it pumping!!! It’s as if someone was telling me to delete everything I wrote in the last hour and put my story with Marc on an overdrive! Fine!

And I know dahil mga usyusero ever kayo, hahaha! Papasukin ko kayo sa innermost personal life nang isang reyna. I am posting our chat with no holds barred, except that I deleted parts which were inappropriate for kids like Manilenya.

Let’s begin with my conversation with Marc. Ready?


Let’s continue the conversation…


More conversation…


And then he closed his Instant Messenger

I know you would ask, who is Marc?

Marc and I were an item. An item for about 5 years or more, I think. That long. When I met Marc, he was single. We met through Compuserve’s chat room. Yes, Matilda, you heard it right. We became online chat friends. I wanted to meet him but he refused. After so many months, I got so pissed at him for his refusal to meet me, so I told him, that there must be only one reason in the world why he would not want to meet me. I told him that he’s actually a big fat, ugly, old white woman who is soooo miserable in life pretending to be some successful Wall Street guy. This big fat, ugly, old white woman who is soooo miserable in life became furious at me! Four letter words were speeding through my monitor like insane.

The following morning, I received a call.

I am not a big fat, ugly, old white woman who is soooo miserable in life pretending to be some successful Wall Street guy. This is Marc and let’s meet at your house, noontime.

How did he have my number? Well, I gave it to him many months back. But the big fat old ugly white woman never called, so I though he must have lost my number. So, when he called – wow! He kept it! And when I heard his voice on the phone – that was the sweetest, beautifully manly angry voice coming from a big fat ugly old white woman. So, I said:

Sir! Yes! Sir!

A nice blue Maxima car parked in my driveway. I peeked through my window. My heart was beating faster than I could think. He got out of the car! Oh my gosh!!! This big fat ugly old white woman is sooooo hunky good looking, I was already drooling!

He rang the bell. I opened the door.

I was the son.

I was laughing. I liked his sense of humor.

I apologize, I called you names.

Sure thing! You gonna pay it big time!

Which I did. Hehehe! (Hoyyyy!!! Doors closed! Di ko na kikwentoo nohh!!!)

Marc was actually younger than me. He was probably about 2 inches taller. We have the same build and I’d say, he’s got blue eyes that I loved so much and he’s really good-looking. He’s a very sweet guy and I love everything about him. Except that we don’t go to gay bars or anything because he said, he’s a straight guy. Which is why, none of my friends met him. My friends kept telling me to stop talking about my imaginary friend.

During the course of our relationship, there’s been some milestone where he and I would have fights. The first one was when he told me that he had a girlfriend. You see, I am the jealous type sometimes. Yet, he told me that everything will be ok. I was already falling in love with Marc. I never told him about this. But Marc is a smart guy. Of course he noticed things. Like, I’d prepare breakfast, wash his clothes! Hahaha!! Kidding!!!!! So one day, he warned me.

I don’t want you to fall in love with me.

What does that mean.

I plan to marry my girlfriend.

My eyes got misty. That was Marc. He already told me that I should start dating women and get married. One time, he even brought the idea that I should try it with women and he’ll be there. Maybe that would change me. I had this very same conversation with Mike also. He’s my best friend. This pressure of me going straight is just too much for me. I asked him, why would you want me to marry a woman? He said, so we could hang out and be friends.

Let’s stop this.

That’s what Marc said. I agreed since I feel very uncomfortable already.

But that didn’t last. Marc continued to see me. Meanwhile, I couldn’t let go no more, he’s now deeply imbedded in my heart then. He was having a lot of trouble as well because he wanted a separate life but seemed to want me less the love. This time he gets upset at me everytime I mention the fact that I love him. He doesnt’ want to hear that. And to this day, I never really understood it!

I’m getting married next month. My girlfriend is pregnant and I’m really happy I’m having a son.

That was the day that I found the true meaning of being hurt. I wished him good luck. He sent me a lenthy email and that was it. I never heard from him no more.

Until today.

I know you will be reading this Marc.

All I can say is that, you are still very special to me.

Read more about Gay Relationships:
1. Jericho On Gay Relationships
2. Kiks Why the succeeding post
3. Kalansay Ano ba ang mukha nang relasyon sa mga taong hindi pa nagkakarelasyon?
4. Banana Life in between banana split.
5. Mandaya Chasing Pavements
6. Charmed one An open secret
7. Jase Being together, Being free
8. Ruff NurseYou Think You’re A Man
9. holdencaulfieldisms Meander
10. Reigning MrsKapwa ko mahal ko
11. Bryan Miseducated Boy Meets Boy
12. Goddess of beauty, love & fertilityMaalaala Mo Kaya
13. Gibo Of Miles and Men Part 1
14. Empress Maruja Kapag Puso?t Kapalaran ang Magdikta?Charot!
15. Zen Bitch I am Changing
16. JHV Real Love
17. Kengkay Eh Ano Ngayon?

{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Malditang Pinay January 20, 2008 at 3:39 am

Ano ba yan kamahalan, medyo naiyak naman ako sa ending ng love story nyo? Well at least nagmahal ka di ba? charing! sige na nga love lang ng love, goodluck sa lovelife mo sana makatagpo ka na ng katapat mo na girl naman this time (same wish kami ni marc for you o di ba) ahahahahahaha

Malditang Pinay’s last blog post..Back from the ski trip


partofyou January 20, 2008 at 4:21 am

i told yah, now you can make a difference eh?

partofyou’s last blog post..Robots inspired by animals


droidz January 20, 2008 at 6:23 am

hayyy! being in love… well, its better to have loved, reynz. for someone as loving and lovable as you, there’s got to be someone out there just waiting for you.

droidz’s last blog post..pahimakas sa apoy


rhapsody January 20, 2008 at 6:29 am

ang drama naman po ng iyong lovelife! nakaka-depress naman pero ok lang yan dami pang guys jan. di mo po ba feel tlga na mag-asawa ng girlaloo hehhe.. joke lang.

rhapsody’s last blog post..Teach me how to be patient.


chuvaness January 20, 2008 at 8:01 am

KABISYOOO, will yah marry me??


aneff sa post to. teka, bat ganyan ang mga AUDIBLES ng YM mo??

binuking mo ang YM ni MARC..i a-add ko yan! hahahahah

chuvaness’s last blog post..Help Save a Chuvaness Today!!!


joy January 20, 2008 at 9:08 am

Hey, Reynz! it’s 9am here in the UK. Your blog was the first I visited. O ayan ha, mega nova superstar ka talaga. I don’t like this Marc guy ha. Ginugulo ka niya ha. What does he want? To find out if you still care for him? Naku. Baka he’ll break your heart again! Kainis.

By the way, I posted the radio show on A Pinay In England. Naka podcast na po siya. Medyo malabo ang simula pero naayos din.

Ingat ka diyan. Let me know kung anong gusto mong gawin natin diyan kay Marc. I know people in low places 😀


joy’s last blog post..Usapang Pinoy – 19 Jan 2008: Reyna Elena


mandayamoore January 20, 2008 at 10:19 am

ang ganda. natulala ako a. nahihiya tuloy akong ipost ang ginawa ko.

mandayamoore’s last blog post..MG


Kiks January 20, 2008 at 11:52 am

and everything seemed to stop all around me as i felt every bit of emotion that can be drawn from reading this.

if there was any woman you loved, it was that big fat old woman.

and i feel for you, honey. i feel for you.

(Kiks takes out a cigarette and smokes.)


Kiks January 20, 2008 at 11:55 am

At kailangang bumalik ako…. i hate you. i hate you reyna elena for making me misty-eyed….


rhapsody January 20, 2008 at 11:56 am

ammm mahal na reyna, may tag pala ako sayo.. ewan ko lang kung di mo pa ito nagagawa

rhapsody’s last blog to ten


Aaron January 20, 2008 at 2:17 pm

A queenly post! Marc missed out on a real royalty.

Aaron’s last blog post..Sayang


kengkay January 20, 2008 at 2:27 pm

naku, ako din may ganyang story, man to man; nung hindi pa ako na operahan, ahahahaha.. what a sweet love story, ate helen. pero at least ngayon naguusap pa rin kayo, am sure magiging ninang ka nung anak nun, hehehe. just remember na hindi ka dapat tumutol kasi pang kasalan lang yung ganung drama

kengkay’s last blog post..Isa pang Hirit Pinoy


leelaibulilay January 20, 2008 at 9:06 pm

this is the reason why i bought “Brokeback Mountain” DVD, love love love….its must be loooove =)


leelaibulilay January 20, 2008 at 9:07 pm

pahabol: I love Dina’s “Bakit ba ganyan”!!!!!


unanimous_flip January 21, 2008 at 12:37 am

Super si Reyna talaga!!! ang ganda-ganda, ang haba haba ng hair, ansarap sabunutan…pero bat yata ang mga menchu mo laging nagpapakasal sa mga girl after kang tikman???


bananachoked January 21, 2008 at 9:05 am

nakakaloka. nakakainis. nakakamiss…yep…sobrang nakakamiss ang mga taong nang-iwan.

talagang nakakaloka. pero mas nakakaloka si dina.
ngunit lumalakas ang loob…bakit ba ganyan?


angelofthewaters/ruthie ganda January 21, 2008 at 10:49 am

Alam mo ba, the greatest part of loving is accepting the hardest and most hurtful part of it, but you still continue to love? Hayy naku…alam mo Reynz…gusto ko talaga, makilala mo na ang magiging longtime and forever partner mo…kung hindi pa man..

Thank you for sharing…

angelofthewaters/ruthie ganda’s last blog post..appreciation


sommer January 21, 2008 at 12:50 pm

…makikisawsaw lang po, kasi ako din nasa ganyang situation…di nga lang man to man, gurl to gurl!hehehe!
…sana makilala mo na ang kameant to be mo.:p

sommer’s last blog post..……18 and life!!!…


c5 January 21, 2008 at 1:10 pm

true love comes from the most unexpected places…anjan lang yan…


mspinkbiik January 21, 2008 at 5:06 pm

ouch… so painful but have you ever thought of being Bisexual?!! I have a lot of stories to tell but next time na lang sa hardin ni matilda pag di na malapig


JHVRothschild January 21, 2008 at 7:24 pm

That’s why I only date people who know themselves. People who have come to terms with who they are.

Sorry to hear about your heartache, but I am sure that someone else will come along and sweep you off your feet. Marc wasn’t the one for you.

It’s best to move on and look to the future.

Stay Fabulous.


jase January 21, 2008 at 10:03 pm

it is a bit sad … but looking back, when you really get old and ready, am sure you consider this as one of the beautiful things that happened to you my dear! Mwah :)


pusa January 22, 2008 at 7:05 am

OMG bat ngayon ko lang nakita tong post na to? san mo itoo itinago reynz!!!! juice ko mama naiyak naman ako sa kwento mo! naalala ko un brokeback mountain


empress maruja January 22, 2008 at 5:08 pm

Mangiyak-ngiyak na sana ako’t magko-comment sana, kaya lang umentra si Tita D! XD

Ewan ko ba sa ating mga tuklas, kapag nagkakaroon ng relasyon asahan at asahan mong masasaktan ka rin sa huli. Hay…


goddess January 23, 2008 at 2:02 am

bakit kasi kailangan may ganitong guy?
aalis, magkaka-gf, magpapakasal..
tapos magpaparamdam..

bakit din kasi may mga bading na tulad natin?
iniwan, sinaktan..
tapos pag bumalik yung guy, with mariah carey “open arms” ang welcome..



f i l l i b u s t e r o January 23, 2008 at 9:17 am

eto ba yung nikwento mo sa akin ateng?!?


Mia February 19, 2008 at 10:37 pm

Kamahalan, sad naman ng story mo. Empathize tuloy ako sa yo. I know he is special to you pero bakit naman gust ka nyang gawing Man eh girl neck door ka nga!!! Ika nga, don’t mess with perfection!!


bebot February 26, 2009 at 2:59 am

bakit nga naman hindi mo sinunod ang payo ni Mike at ni Marc hehehehe eh di sana may junakees ka na rin na gagabay sa iyung pag tanda! katulad ko..lolo na ng mga anak ko….pero masarap talaga ang feeling na may tatawag sa iyung..papa…pero anak ang tumatawag…..hehehehe…. i wish na makakita ka rin ng totot na forever kang mamahalin dahil sa ikaw ay ikaw (mapa babae man o maging lalaki sya!).


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