The big fat ugly old white woman who is soooo miserable in life

by reyna18 on January 20, 2008

I was writing my mode of relationships project, a contribution I was making for Kiks and Mandayamoore Orlis. There were relationship questions that were bothering them. Guess what, I am also confused by a man-to-man relationship. What is it? What’s in it? Does it last? How do you make it last? I honestly don’t have any answer. I do have experiences that I wished I never experienced. But, c’est la vie. I was part of the drama.

Suddenly, my instant messenger sprang to life! It was Marc! Oh my gosh!!!


My heart was beating faster, I could hear it pumping!!! It’s as if someone was telling me to delete everything I wrote in the last hour and put my story with Marc on an overdrive! Fine!

And I know dahil mga usyusero ever kayo, hahaha! Papasukin ko kayo sa innermost personal life nang isang reyna. I am posting our chat with no holds barred, except that I deleted parts which were inappropriate for kids like Manilenya.

Let’s begin with my conversation with Marc. Ready?

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Let’s continue the conversation…

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More conversation…

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And then he closed his Instant Messenger

I know you would ask, who is Marc?

Marc and I were an item. An item for about 5 years or more, I think. That long. When I met Marc, he was single. We met through Compuserve’s chat room. Yes, Matilda, you heard it right. We became online chat friends. I wanted to meet him but he refused. After so many months, I got so pissed at him for his refusal to meet me, so I told him, that there must be only one reason in the world why he would not want to meet me. I told him that he’s actually a big fat, ugly, old white woman who is soooo miserable in life pretending to be some successful Wall Street guy. This big fat, ugly, old white woman who is soooo miserable in life became furious at me! Four letter words were speeding through my monitor like insane.

The following morning, I received a call.

I am not a big fat, ugly, old white woman who is soooo miserable in life pretending to be some successful Wall Street guy. This is Marc and let’s meet at your house, noontime.

How did he have my number? Well, I gave it to him many months back. But the big fat old ugly white woman never called, so I though he must have lost my number. So, when he called – wow! He kept it! And when I heard his voice on the phone – that was the sweetest, beautifully manly angry voice coming from a big fat ugly old white woman. So, I said:

Sir! Yes! Sir!

A nice blue Maxima car parked in my driveway. I peeked through my window. My heart was beating faster than I could think. He got out of the car! Oh my gosh!!! This big fat ugly old white woman is sooooo hunky good looking, I was already drooling!

He rang the bell. I opened the door.

I was the son.

I was laughing. I liked his sense of humor.

I apologize, I called you names.

Sure thing! You gonna pay it big time!

Which I did. Hehehe! (Hoyyyy!!! Doors closed! Di ko na kikwentoo nohh!!!)

Marc was actually younger than me. He was probably about 2 inches taller. We have the same build and I’d say, he’s got blue eyes that I loved so much and he’s really good-looking. He’s a very sweet guy and I love everything about him. Except that we don’t go to gay bars or anything because he said, he’s a straight guy. Which is why, none of my friends met him. My friends kept telling me to stop talking about my imaginary friend.

During the course of our relationship, there’s been some milestone where he and I would have fights. The first one was when he told me that he had a girlfriend. You see, I am the jealous type sometimes. Yet, he told me that everything will be ok. I was already falling in love with Marc. I never told him about this. But Marc is a smart guy. Of course he noticed things. Like, I’d prepare breakfast, wash his clothes! Hahaha!! Kidding!!!!! So one day, he warned me.

I don’t want you to fall in love with me.

What does that mean.

I plan to marry my girlfriend.

My eyes got misty. That was Marc. He already told me that I should start dating women and get married. One time, he even brought the idea that I should try it with women and he’ll be there. Maybe that would change me. I had this very same conversation with Mike also. He’s my best friend. This pressure of me going straight is just too much for me. I asked him, why would you want me to marry a woman? He said, so we could hang out and be friends.

Let’s stop this.

That’s what Marc said. I agreed since I feel very uncomfortable already.

But that didn’t last. Marc continued to see me. Meanwhile, I couldn’t let go no more, he’s now deeply imbedded in my heart then. He was having a lot of trouble as well because he wanted a separate life but seemed to want me less the love. This time he gets upset at me everytime I mention the fact that I love him. He doesnt’ want to hear that. And to this day, I never really understood it!

I’m getting married next month. My girlfriend is pregnant and I’m really happy I’m having a son.

That was the day that I found the true meaning of being hurt. I wished him good luck. He sent me a lenthy email and that was it. I never heard from him no more.

Until today.

I know you will be reading this Marc.

All I can say is that, you are still very special to me.

****
Read more about Gay Relationships:
1. Jericho On Gay Relationships
2. Kiks Why the succeeding post
3. Kalansay Ano ba ang mukha nang relasyon sa mga taong hindi pa nagkakarelasyon?
4. Banana Life in between banana split.
5. Mandaya Chasing Pavements
6. Charmed one An open secret
7. Jase Being together, Being free
8. Ruff NurseYou Think You’re A Man
9. holdencaulfieldisms Meander
10. Reigning MrsKapwa ko mahal ko
11. Bryan Miseducated Boy Meets Boy
12. Goddess of beauty, love & fertilityMaalaala Mo Kaya
13. Gibo Of Miles and Men Part 1
14. Empress Maruja Kapag Puso?t Kapalaran ang Magdikta?Charot!
15. Zen Bitch I am Changing
16. JHV Real Love
17. Kengkay Eh Ano Ngayon?